One of the most common reasons people fall into harmful relationship dynamics is that the behaviors which perpetuate them are learned.
From a young age, we unknowingly internalize lessons about love and communication in a partnership. We pay attention to how our parents interact, and, even if their relationship is far from healthy, we often come to see it as what a “normal” relationship should look like. And, unfortunately, many people end up repeating these patterns later in life, without second thoughts regarding their effects.
The problem, however, is that some of these learned behaviors can be indescribably damaging. People can, even inadvertently so, treat their partners in ways that are harmful without ever really understanding why. And, when confronted, they may simply brush it off with excuses like, “That’s just how relationships work, you’re being too sensitive,” or “My parents did this all the time, and they’re fine.”
These are two of many harmful learned behaviors that often crop up in relationships. If your partner continues to exhibit them despite your protests, then they might not have your best interest at heart.
1. The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is perhaps one of the most common forms of relational punishment, yet it is also one of the mos harmful. Partners may opt for the silent treatment by deliberately withdrawing themselves from communication with the other. They ignore texts and refuse to engage, or they may even stay completely silent while in the other’s presence.
Unlike taking space to cool down, which is a much healthier strategy, the silent treatment is used specifically to make the other partner feel uneasy. The message behind the silent treatment is usually: they did something wrong, and now I’ll make them pay for it by restricting their access to me.
2. Weaponizing Your Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a necessary aspect of any serious relationship. But, when we let a partner in on our private fears and insecurities, we’re also taking a rather frightening leap of trust. We offer up some of the most fragile parts of ourselves, and all we can do is desperately hope that they’re handled with care.
Sadly, partners who respond in these hurtful ways are usually ones who had to learn firsthand that vulnerability is dangerous. In households where emotions are dismissed or mocked regularly, children are very quick to learn that sharing your feelings is something that will likely end poorly. Individuals who are treated this way repeatedly in their childhoods can be conditioned to maintain this outlook well into their adulthood.
