It’s the hardest thing in the world. The damage is done forever; the pain they have caused has destroyed you, and now you’re just supposed to say, “It’s all good, don’t worry.”
It’s taken me so long to learn to forgive. I’ve had to rebuild my life more than once, I’ve been torn apart and cried oceans of tears. It’s a constant battle. Not only does my brain like to regurgitate the memories, but the enemy doesn’t want us growing, so it will fight to keep us from forgiving and healing, so it can just go on to spread the evil.
But forgiveness is a journey and can only come with an understanding of the human condition and spiritual warfare. Keep reading to understand why we need to forgive and how.
1. The human condition
My best friend was killed by two men who my friend’s neighbour had hired, they broke into her apartment early morning to rob her, the investigating officer at the time had told me that they had never intended to kill her, they had knocked her out, gagged and tied her, but they had gagged her to the point she was unable to breathe and she suffocated to death. She was 18.
No one will ever get an answer to why they did what they did, but how do these people become capable of such horrific acts? The answer to the why is always the same.
As humans, we lose control without God’s love and guidance, and moral corruption comes with bad spiritual leadership. If we aren’t following God, what are we following? Love and hate cannot share the same space, so when someone has been starved of love or never been shown it, or the enemy got in and twisted the person’s perception, it took over like a plague.
We live in a fallen world where the enemy has a foothold. Many people have grown up without love or any moral compass. This isn’t an excuse; it’s the truth. Staying close to God and understanding spiritual warfare is the only way to survive.
Luke 23:34:
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”
We all need forgiveness for something, and no matter what we have done, it may not be as horrific as what we need to forgive; we still need it. I’ve hurt people in my life, a lot. Maybe I didn’t kill anyone, but I did cause pain with really no knowledge of how it damaged them, and other times I did know. We all have. I had my so-called reasons at the time, and it felt justified, but what was the real reason?
Pain, I had pain, and I shared it.
2. Only love can overcome evil.
Gary Rodgeway pleaded guilty to the murder of 48 women. Whilst pleading guilty to each murder, he showed zero signs of remorse; he even said he couldn’t remember any of the victims. Then, as each victim’s loved one took the stand to give impact statements, he sat emotionless.
They all told him to rot in hell forever, hoping for him to have a horrific death, to feel the pain they feel. The entire time they spoke, Gary sat stone-faced, showing no emotion. He felt nothing. He didn’t care because he expected it and was used to it.
But, as one of the victims’ fathers took the stand, he didn’t come with hate; he came with God. He told Gary that, despite how hard Gary had made it on him, he forgave him. And at the mere mention of God and forgiveness, Gary’s stone face broke and turned to sorrow; it broke him, and he sobbed.
This was the last reaction Gary expected: love. Because he had either never experienced it or he didn’t believe it could be real. Either way, evil will grow stronger with more evil added, and love will melt it and take away its space.
Romans 12:21
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”
If we want to understand evil and overcome it, we have to get to its root. And the root of it is always the lack of God, the lack of love.
3. To forgive them, we are forgiven.
Beyond any other reason, despite the health and mental benefits to us, God has commanded us to forgive, or he is unable to forgive us. Most people feel like they are pretty good, not needing God’s forgiveness, another lie via the enemy. But we are all sinning and doing what we know we shouldn’t be doing; we all need God’s forgiveness, and we don’t get to judge who is doing worse. Wrong is wrong.
- Ephesians 4:32:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”.
- Colossians 3:13:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”
- Matthew 6:14-15:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”
4. SET YOURSELF FREE
Your forgiving them doesn’t mean they have been cleared for what they’ve done; it clears you with God and gives your life back. You have an entire life to lead with love, and God has promised he will make good of any bad. There’s enough hate in the world without us succumbing to it too. Yes, it hurts, and it’s hard, but know that God is with you and has you. But you have to set yourself free.
